I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
