Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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