You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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