If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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