Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
