I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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