to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize