anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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