Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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