just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
