He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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