Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
