About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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