Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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