Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
