Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
