Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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