I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
