im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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