I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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