so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pants are for mortals
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
