we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
