NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
