Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
