He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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