The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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