At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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