we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
