he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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