Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just found puke in my bra..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There r osticjed everywhere
They took my balls.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize