you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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