saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
