I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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