I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
