Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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