I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
