you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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