Don't make out with my wife yet
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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