My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
