Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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