she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
