mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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