have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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