I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize