just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
