We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
