I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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