I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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