And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize