I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
