Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
