No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
In America we eat man semen.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
