Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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