I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Found your dick twin last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
