Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
