I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
