I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
