I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize