is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
