i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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