She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
