the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
