In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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