Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
