just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
where are my eyebrows?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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