My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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