I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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