Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have post one night stand depression
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
