she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
