the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
