Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Alive.
So much puke
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
