when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
